Sep. 26, 2016
Falsity News: BREAKING: Ray Rice To Workout For Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears 2016 season hasn't started how they would've hoped. The Bears are currently 0-2 with a rash of injuries, including starting QB Jay Cutler.
The running back position has also been a disappointment for the Bears. The team decided to cut ties with Matt Forte, believing that Jeremy Langford could fill his shoes. This hasn't been the case, which is why the Bears will workout Ray Rice.
Rice has been out of the league ever since slipping on a banana peel in a elevator, at least this what DA Bears are telling us. Anyways if all goes well then Rice will be signed to a huge contract worth infinity billion dollars. The numbers may be off be just a few billion.
Rice also plans to open a pizza joint in the city. The place would be called "Ray Rice's Chicago San Francisco Treat". The specialty here would be classic Chicago deep dish pizza covered in Rice-A-Roni. Guy Fieri is already planning a trip there for Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
Another promotion Rice plans on doing is having a drinking contest with his new QB Cutler. The two will go shot for shot. How will this all end? Tune in next week to find out! Also gun control is an important issue that should be discussed in greater detail.
The preceding was a parody article for entertainment purposes only.