Gonzo/Humor Piece

How (Not) To Win a World Cup

It is that time of year where all world class soccer players play in representation of their country to win the World Cup and show which country is the best soccer team in the world. The secret to winning is not that complicated and is rather very simple. Mexico, a good national team, had the opportunity to take the World Cup home and they show an example of how easy winning the World Cup is. The Mexican National Soccer team could have taken the World Cup that year but decided to give their opponents the win for a mysterious reason still now found.

To begin with, players from the National Mexican Soccer team were so good that they were even hired for a second job. Many of the veterans like Andres Guardado, Javier Hernandez, and Guillermo Ochoa were paid to act out in famous commercials. All three players were known to be one of the best Mexican players and the most favorite ones from the fans and of course they were selected to participate in the World Cup to represent Mexico. These three players were also selected to come out in commercials to show they have a greater performance outside the field as well.

Guillermo Ochoa was the number one starting goalie for the Mexican national team. He played all pre world cup games as a starter and was now making a commercial for Allstate. This was pretty clever for Allstate since Ochoa was one of the best goalies and he would prevent the opponent team from scoring a lot. Allstate’s commercial used Ochoa as their “Are you in good hands?” commercial since he was a goalie. Ochoa had many goal saves just as Allstate had you safe with their insurance.

Javier Hernandez is one true veteran and is only one goal away from being the top goal scorer for the Mexican soccer team making him one of the best forwards of all time. Javier Hernandez’s performance caught Coca Cola’s attention so they decided to talk him into acting out in one of their commercials as well. Hernandez couldn’t have declined the $10,000.00 that Coca Cola offered. Hernandez was that much worth to Coca Cola company that they thought he was worth it just for him to come out in a commercial and drink one sip of Coca Cola. Correct, it was as simple as that and Hernandez was paid that amount to take a sip from a Coca Cola bottle, look at the camera, and simply smile. It only takes good actors to perform that well.

The third big star from the Mexican national team, Andres Guardado, midfielder, is one of the best key players in the field. He runs everywhere all over the field and gives the perfect assists giving Mexico a great chance to take a win. No better company could have hired him other than Degree. In this commercial everyone sees Guardado doing what he does best, run. Some fan in the commercial stole his Degree deodorant and Guardado had to run after him to get it back. Guardado runs so much that he starts sweating a lot. Later the commercial says, “Soccer players have to sweat, you don’t. That’s why we have Degree for you”. Another smart commercial to use Guardado’s ability to sweat made his fame grow even bigger.

So all three top players from Mexico national team were also one of the best actors in different commercials. Mexico had one of the most elite squads in the World Cup. They had not only the veteran soccer players, but also players who were the best actors in the world. They had the best chance to win the World Cup with a squad like this; definitely the best way to win a World Cup. However, this did not result as the way one would expect to. The coach thought these three players were too good to even play the games so they were benched even if they played all pre World Cup games. Biggest mistake the coach has ever done. How is it that the coach puts his best players on the bench? He must not have seen how well they performed in the commercials. Mexico commercialized their national team in the World Cup with these three players since they were the best, yet they were the ones who didn’t even play. Not playing the best actors they had cost them the World Cup Championship and only qualified up to Round-Of-Sixteen after losing to Argentina 3 to 1.