THE RAYROC TOP 25 CFB TEAMS ENTERING WEEK 6
1. OHIO STATE (5-0)
- The guy who is the absolute total package, but no one wants to admit it because they want to be just like him. The same things that make you love him are the same things that make you hate him. The people who love them say, "Dude is real good, he has nice teeth and he's popular." Those who hate him say, "Dude thinks he's all that because he's popular and has nice teeth."
2. ALABAMA (5-0)
If you see Alabama aka Deebo you better run and call the cops.
- How long will the college football world allow Alabama, aka Deebo from Friday, to continuously slap everyone around? Alabama is now entering the toughest part of their schedule beginning this weekend at Arkansas. I have a feeling I know how this one's gonna go (See Arkansas)
3. CLEMSON (5-0)
- The dude who proved all the doubters wrong by beating Johnny Come Lately (Louisville) and then walked around town with a tee shirt that has a picture of Kool Moe Dee on the front and "How you like me now" on the back. All the naysayers have the hurt face because they now know why I ranked Clemson ahead of them the entire time.
4. MICHIGAN (5-0)
- Rocky (Michigan) avenged his brother from another mother Apollo Creed's (MSU) loss to Ivan Drago (Wisconsin) in a knock down drag out Big Ten banger. Michigan QB Wilton Speight reminds me of a poor man's Ben Roethlisberger. The Wolves shouldn't have any trouble this weekend with Rutgers. The Buckeyes sure didn't.
5. TENNESSEE (5-0)
- Tennessee is either the guy who gets down to his last five dollars on the craps table and somehow leaves with $1000 or the guy who's favorite bedtime story is 'The Tortoise and the Hare". Translation = It's not how you start, it's how you finish. For the fourth time this year they have overcome huge deficits and found ways to win. I can't figure out if the Volunteers are lucky or good. Their luck just might run out this week vs Texas A&M.
6. WASHINGTON (5-0)
- After watching the Huskies beat the brakes off of Stanford, I'm convinced they are officially college football's version of the legendary gangsta rap group NWA. This needs to be the logo on the 50 yard line at their field:
7. LOUISVILLE (4-1)
- Watching Louisville play Clemson last Saturday night reminded me of the time when the prettiest girl at the prom got into a fight and lost. Translation = even though Louisville didn't win, they sure did look great losing.
8. HOUSTON (5-0)
- At this point Houston (Sharane) is the most attractive woman at the neighborhood house party. Translation = they are the best team in a bad conference without any competition. When my friends and I watch them play, this is how the conversation goes:
9. TEXAS A&M
- Texas A&M is the guy who gets out of the blocks extremely fast in the 400 meter dash. He makes up the difference on the first turn, stretches out real nice on the back 100, leans into the curve well on the 2nd turn, and then the monkey jumps on their back the last 100 meters. That monkey could very well be the Tennessee Volunteers this weekend.
10. MIAMI, FLA
- Miami is the dude who in a new relationship and everything seems to be going well. The only problem is he has a history of cheating. His girlfriend is becoming suspicious because he keeps his phone locked, ringer off, and takes all his phone calls outside. Eventually she's going to wait until he falls asleep, take his thumb and put it on the iPhone home button and unlock it. Translation = Miami looks good now but they aren't who everyone thinks they are and they can't be trusted.
11. BAYLOR (5-0)
- Baylor is the entertainer who can't sing a lick but somehow finds a way to make a comeback hit record. Translation = Baylor didn't have any business winning that game last weekend vs Iowa State. They aren't good but they keep winning.
12. NEBRASKA (5-0)
- Nebraska is the guy who went out partying and woke up late for work with a hangover. Then he ran out of the house without showering, got to work and took a stand up bath with an old pack of disposable wipes. To make matters worse he used his finger to brush his teeth too. Translation = The Huskers finally woke up in the 2nd half vs Illinois and won, but they still stunk up the joint.
13, WISCONSIN (4-1)
- The team who busted everyone's bracket during March Madness because they upset 2 top ten teams and then got exposed in the Elite 8 by the #2 seed in the Midwest. They had a September to remember but it came to a halt in Ann Arbor. Now they get a much needed week off before hosting the #1 seed in the Midwest.
14. OLE MISS (3-2)
- Ole Miss is the dude who had a troubled past and now he's an inspirational speaker. Being that he has 2 losses and is still ranked gives him hope and he tries to inspire others. One of his messages is, "Prevention is better than Intervention." Translation = They should be undefeated and controlling their own destiny and with a little help they could still win the SEC West. But for now he has to encourage others to do better and not make the same mistakes he made.
15. ARKANSAS (4-1)
- Here's how Deebo (Alabama) is going to run up on Red (Arkansas) and his crew this Saturday
16. FLORIDA (4-1)
- Florida is the dude who hopped on Tinder searching for someone who could help him get over his controlling and abusive 11 year relationship with his ex (Tennessee) . He matched with an average looking, intelligent and feisty woman named Vandy in Nashville. He went to visit her and got way more than he bargained for and barely escaped alive. Translation = The Gators had an 11 year win streak vs Tenn snapped, then went into Vanderbilt emotionally distraught, and almost lost.
17. STANFORD (3-1)
- I told you Stanford was the perfect husband who would let someone disrespect him at least once a year right in front of his family. Mom and Dad have disowned him. His wife has filed for divorce, the kids are being insubordinate, and they want to move with mom. He downloaded the Plenty of Fish app, messaged a few Washington State "Cougars", and invited them to his rebound party at his home this weekend.
18. WESTERN MICHIGAN (5-0)
- WMU is that unassuming ugly duckling that no one paid any attention to because she wore glasses, dressed conservatively, and kept her hair in a bun. Everyone laughed at me when I told them she was my date for homecoming until they saw her in that form fitting dress, perfect make up, and hair all done up. I said, "I tried to tell y'all she was the real deal but y'all don't have an eye for real beauty like I do."
19. BOISE STATE (4-0)
- Boise is the dude who has a girlfriend but also has a wife on the side. Translation = They get extremely bored with playing against all the teams in the Mountain West conference and they have more fun hanging with the PAC 12 teams.
20. WEST VIRGINIA (4-0)
- West Virginia is that ole country cousin who means well and invites everyone over for Sunday dinner. The problem is one of the kids saw him leave the restroom without washing his hands. Now he wants to hold hands with everyone, say grace, and serve the food himself. He's been getting away with this for too long, and soon enough someone is going to call him out and put an end to his foolishness.
21. NORTH CAROLINA (4-1)
- UNC is the student athlete who is always on the verge of being ineligible for the season. He's too worried bout looking good in his baby blue wardrobe instead of focusing on his schoolwork. He wants to be down with the cool kids, falls asleep in class, and does his homework but won't turn it in. Somehow he always finds a way to hand in his missing work and stays eligible. Translation = UNC squeaked past Florida State and Pitt and could be undefeated if they didn't blow it against a beatable Georgia team.
22. COLORADO (4-1)
- Colorado is the really smart guy who stayed up all night studying for an exam, had all the right answers, did well on the first part, but then fell asleep on the 2nd part of the exam. Translation = Colorado should be undefeated but they didn't show up in the 2nd half vs Michigan, but they are a really good football team. Now they have to travel to LA and face off with Snoop Dogg's USC Trojans.
23. UTAH (4-1)
- Utah is the guy who claims to have quit smoking, but when he gives you a ride home from work you can smell the cigarette smoke from his morning drive. You want to call him out on it but instead you ask to charge your phone in the armrest USB outlet, and that's when you find that hidden pack of half smoked Newport Kings. You look at him and say, "What's up with that?". He responds, "Oh man I don't know how those got in there, but my cousin smokes and he borrowed my car earlier." Translation = Just when you thought Utah finally had it together, they went out and got lit up, smoked, and choked against Cal.
24. OKLAHOMA (2-2)
- Oklahoma is the dude who is built like Tarzan but plays like Jane. They have just as many athletes as all the top teams in the country but they don't play like it. The sad part is they could still win the Big 12. They beat a watered down TCU team last week and this week they play Texas in the meaningless Red River Shootout.
25. SOUTH FLORIDA (4-1)
- USF is the guy who gets hired temporarily because his uncle is the third shift manger at the company. There's a chance he could get hired on permanently if he acts right, drops clean, and clears the background check. He could end up being the surprise employee of the year because the other guys on his shift are lazy and incompetent. It doesn't mean he's a good worker, it just means he's better than his competition.
