The Smoothest NBA Players

So I'm sitting there watching the NBA last night, wishing I was 1/100th as good as the worst player on the court. I'm marveling at how these guys are the most athletic of the most athletic dudes in the world. I firmly believe NBA players are better athletes than other players in other sports. That's another argument for another day. But just to support that side argument, check this video out of LeBron dominating flag football. 

Anyway, I was watching players play the game within the game. It got me thinking about the players in the NBA with the smoothest game. So I made a list of smooth things in order. Soft Serve Ice Cream, George Clooney, Creme Brulee, Teflon Pan, and Your GF Just Shaved Her Legs and Moisturized Smooth.

Before I get into the list let's define smooth. Their game needs to look more effortless than hooking up with your ex. Their touch has to be softer than a cashmere sweater. Their game needs to have more flash than Magic Johnson's smile. They need to be able to creatively pass, put the ball in the bucket and dribble. Does all of this make sense? Smooth = effortless, soft touch, and flash. All smoothness rankings are based on what the guy does on the court, not off of it.

In my smooth rankings I've ranked the top five current NBA players. For good measure, I've also ranked the top give NBA players of all time. Just for fun. Also, the rankings are based on when the given players are in their prime(s). Without further ado, let's slide into these rankings. 

Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

#5. Soft Serve Ice Cream. Giannis Antetokounmpo. Have you watched Giannis recently? Holy shit he's amazing. Giannis makes the cut above other guys due to his Euro-step, his passing, and his absolutely incredibly amazing dunking ability. You remember that nursery rhyme, "Can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go through it, gotta go around it". Yeah Giannis doesn't know that rhyme; nor does it apply to him. He's so long his finger rolls start at the foul line. He can dunk from the foul line, Euro-step from the 3 point line, and throw creative passes. He makes it look so easy. Check it out. 

Coming in at #5 all time is Hakeem Olajuwon. Olajuwon looked like a men amongst boys. His touch was undeniably soft. His footwork is the best I've ever seen. He can play facing the basket, away, spin, and more. How many fade-aways did you see hit the rim, only to inevitably rattle around and go in? As Smooth as Soft Serve Ice Cream.

#4. George Clooney. James Harden. He hangs out with the hottest dudes, wears the freshest clothes, and drives the flyest cars. What doesn't he do? One thing I've noticed about James Harden is he's always moving towards the basket. His step back is so good, defenders are afraid to sag off of him. He's either stepping back, blowing by you, or casually tossing a floater when he gets to the paint. He's James Harden.

Strolling in at #4 all time we have George Gervin. AKA The Iceman. His game is butter. He moves like he's dancing with the ball. His up and unders, his turn around game, his double pumps, his reverse layups are a thing of beauty. He's moving to where you are not. His touch softness rates at cotton ball. His fluidity comes in at water. He hangs in the air like gravity bothers him a little bit less. As Smooth as George Clooney.

#3. Creme Brulee. Kevin Durant. He makes the game look too easy. Even my girlfriend was watching the game the other night and was like, "Who's that tall guy who's like, he kindof looks like a point guard?" Durant at 7 feet can cross you over, shoot over you, post you up, and block your shot. 

At #3 all time it is none other than Earl The Pearl. Pearls are smooth. Earl is smoother. The head fakes, the ball fakes, the high release, the afro, the the spins, the never ending hesitations, his game is Creme Brulee. 

#2. Teflon Pan Level Smooth. Jamal Crawford. Everything about this guy is smooth. His face, his head, his aging, and his game. Prime Jamal Crawford had the best handle I've ever seen. His Twitter handle is JCrossover His crossover was so good I don't think guys should even be embarrassed for falling over. He had head fakes, ball fakes, and moves I've never seen anyone do before or since. If you don't realize how smooth Crawford's game is, try going to a basketball court at your local YMCA and do some of the shit you see below

At #2 all time have, wait for it, representing the white guys, Delont- just kidding. Jason Williams. He might have the flashiest of flashy games. Jason Williams' game is more flashy than a 90s Girls Gone Wild commercial. Without a doubt he had the best behind the back passing game I've ever seen. The elbow pass. The no look. The no look behind the back. The fake no look. The look, fake no look, easy layup. The cross over that left John Stockton staring into space. The behind the back running past Allen Iverson. He crossed over Kobe. His behind the back bounce pass was so deadly when he went behind the back sometimes he just took it to the hoop because guys were playing the pass. When your game is on that level, you're Teflon Pan Level Smooth.

#1. My GF Just Shaved Her Legs and Moisturized Smooth. Nikola Jokic. You may not know who he is. But you should. Zach Lowe said Jokic looks like he's playing water polo. He has skill with both hands. His passing is a thing of beauty. I mean, like, Victoria's Secret fashion show beauty. Or maybe like, a mountain in the reflection of a lake beauty. It's just gorgeous. His scoring is so effortless. He flips the ball up towards the hoop with a touch softer than your heart when you got dumped in middle school. His right hand, his left hand, it doesn't matter. His spin moves remind me of a ballerina. In fact he doesn't spin, he pirouettes. If there's  a guy whom actually has eyes on the back of his head I'm convinced it's Nikola Jokic.

At #1 all time is Dr. J. AKA Julius Irving. You know sometimes legends live up to the hype. A living legend whose lived up to the legend. Dr. J has done some outrageously smooth shit.

There's not many men who can pull a move like that and get away with it. But let's keep Dr J's smoothness on the court. His up and under layup is the stuff of legend. His cradle rocking dunk reverberates to this day. He's the best dunker ever. He dunked from behind the backboard. He invented a shot somewhere between the finger roll and the hook shot. He could finger roll the ball with his hand facing down. He could finish with either hand. He made retro jerseys cool. His afro is on another level. He didn't jump off the ground;more like, he left the ground behind. His elevation was effortless. He was as Smooth as Your GF Just Shaved Her Legs and Moisturized. 

NBA

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Written by

John Bernardo

Sports Writer

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