Week 3 Predictions

By TeejTaylor
Sep. 23, 2016

Opening

The Throw from the above picture was probably an over-throw because Blaine Gabbert sucks. He sucks so fucking bad. But there's some people out there who will argue "He sees the field well," fuck those people and fuck Blaine Gabbert. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. Periodically I will just have to start blogs trashing Gabbert because he sucks, I don't like him playing QB for my favorite team, and he sucks. 

Bold Predictions

Gabbert is getting benched at the half. Kap comes into lead the 49ers to a TD that doesn't come off a turnover, or 1 big play. Gabbert never starts again because he couldn't do that last week. 

Carson Wentz throws 3 interceptions, and the Wentz wagon freaks out. 

Josh Norman and OBJ both get ejected Sunday. 

Andy Dalton throws for 300 Yards against the Broncos defense. 

Jordy Nelson goes for 150 yards and 2 TD's against the Lions. 

Ryan Tannehill throws for 400 yards against the Browns. 

Game Picks

Cardinals over the Bills

This one won't be close. The Cardinals made a mortal out of Jamies Winston, imagine what they'll do to Tyrod the over rated QB. The Cardinals lost week 1 because rookie CB Brandon Williams was bad, really bad. So they trade for Marcus Cooper from the Chiefs who was an instant upgrade. They'll blow the Bills out. Rex is probably getting fired in the next 6 weeks. 

Titans over Raiders

10:00 AM start for a West coast team. Southern heat which is worse than California heat. Also the Raiders are over rated and can't stop anyone. Last week Derek Carr had great Box score numbers but didn't even out play Matt Ryan, let's slow down on the Raiders playoff talk people. 

Dolphins over Browns

Dolphins have to win eventually, and the Browns suck. Tannehill has looked very good this year so far, despite his team not being able to win. It happens this week. 

Ravens over Jaguars

I've been saying since summer the Ravens are actually a good football team when Joe Flacco is healthy. He's a home run QB, and they added some guys who run the 9 route. Ravens going to the playoffs. 

Packers over Lions

Aaron Rodgers gonna Cecil these Lions. Too Soon? Tell  Harambe, who'd probably be a better TE for the Packers than Jared Cook, but he can't because he's dead. Fuck the Cincinnati Zoo. Anyway, Packers win because Aaron is good, and because Clay Matthews. 

Bengals over Broncos

Trevor Sieman is going to play a good defense away from home. that's enough for me to pick the Bengals. 

Panther over Vikings

Vikings have a very good football team. Even without Bridgewater and AP, they should go to the playoffs. But, the Panthers are better and are at home. Sam Bradford going up against that defense? HA HA HA 

Giants over DC Football Team

The DC Football team's not playing one of their Best Players, Su'ua Cravens enough. They're a dumb coaching staff. Meanwhile, Eli has been really good, no one just wants to admit it because he's Eli. Giants win. 

Buccaneers over Rams

Did you know there's two E's in "Buccaneers?" There is, and you probably looked above at my pick didn't you? Well that has nothing to do with the game, just something you should notice. The Rams are flying across the country, and are coached by Jeff Fisher. Need more? The Rams have no way of covering all of the Bucs WR's, and Jamies can throw from the pocket when facing pressure. 

Seahawks over 49ers

Fuck this game. Fuck Blaine Gabbert. Seahawks Oline is going to turn into the Cowboys Oline for one game and this will be it. Russell Wilson will get the lucky bounces he usually does, and the Seahawks will win a game just so everyone can keep over-stating how good they are. Neither one of these two teams deserve to make the playoffs, and neither of these teams can unseat the Cardinals, Packers, or Panthers. I don't even know if they can beat the Cowboys with a Healthy Romo, or a Giants team with a revamped defense. 

Chiefs over Jets

Don't forget how Fitzpatrick did what Fitzpatrick does against the Bengals week 1. He'll do the same thing against the Chiefs and Marcus Peters will make him pay. Can you imagine if you put someone like Drew Brees on the Jets team? That defense and those WR's, they would contend with the Pats. 

Chargers over Colts

You all will one day appreciate how great Phillip Rivers is. You'll also need to note how Andrew Luck is playing really well, but his team is absolute trash. Why hasn't the Colts GM been fired yet? The Colts are wasting Andrew Luck the way the Chargers wasted Phillip Rivers. How fitting a match-up. 

Steelers over Eagles

Rookie QB for Philly. Big Ben for Pitt. Easy decision. Also, the Steelers front 7 is crazy good. Ryan Shazier is the fastest LB in Football, but you don't know who he is because he isn't a me guy. 

Cowboys over Bears

Can we talk about how Jason Garret is an under rated Coach? No, ok maybe when the Cowboys make the playoffs with no pass rush, and a rookie QB playing meaningful snaps. 

Saints over Falcons

Saints are at home, and it's Monday night. It's also the anniversary of the Katrina Homecoming game for the Saints. 

Gambling Picks

49ers vs Seahawks take the under. It's at 40 points, even if one of these teams gets to 20, the other won't. 

Chargers and Colts take the over. Currently at 51.5 and it will be hire. Neither team can defense, and both QB's are great. Going to be a shootout. 

Panthers and Vikings, take the -7 Carolina is giving. They're winning by double digits. 

Ravens over Jaguars is essentially a "pick em" game with the Ravens getting 1 point. take the point and the Ravens. 

Thanks for reading.