Hey Parents and Coaches, some of this is on Us!
No one will remember 2014 as the Year of the Athlete. We have had some solid moments but none that stick out as truly extraordinary. Lebron returning to Cleveland was nice, Seattle put a real beat down to demonstrate Super Bowl dominance, Jeter had a fun farewell tour and some great ads by
Nike
and Gatorade
but nothing to save 2014 for us.
Unfortunately, 2014 will be remembered for what athletes and those involved in athletics did off the field. We will cringe at the punch and question the abuse. Some will remember the racist remarks and how the public forced organizations to deal with them. Eventually, we may be forced to give respect to the new powerhouse in news story breaking; TMZ. But through it all I started to question, why do so many athletes believe they have the right to behave that way? My answer, a lot of it is on us.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe we are all accountable for our own actions on some level. We are all thinking humans and we should not look to pass the buck on our decisions. However, we are all guided by our leaders. They instill the values of right and wrong. They also set boundaries and let players know what is really important. Here is where the failure begins.
Coaches want to win and parents want their kids to be the reason why the team wins. Presently, as many kids try out for club teams, parents are deciding between the best programs and the programs that will showcase their kids as the best. It would be very nice if every coach could raise the trophy they want to win and every parent could enjoy the feeling of victory when their kid is the hero. Of course, life is not necessarily like that. We can all get a trophy, but it is rarely the one we are searching for. Sports is also supposed to build character by teaching us to get up after every fall or fail.
Integrity is the key. Such an easy word but why did we have to make it so complicated. (Single Avril shout out!) You have to believe in the greater good and teach the greater good. Of course, it is not that easy. As a childless adult, I would not pretend to know what it is like to be a parent. However, I have coached and I know allowing any kid to believe they are special beyond the rules is a mistake. Your biggest step as a coach will be the day you insist on putting what is right ahead of victories. Make your players know they are all accountable the rules of decency. Being a good person will make them special people to their own special group. As far as everyone being special to everyone, it is best explained by Syndrome from the Incredibles.
Seriously, kids know when they are being had and kids know when they have the advantage. If we allow a kid to feel they are beyond the rules, they will force your hand until they see what you have or where your boundaries begin. Jameis Winston could be the poster boy for athletes who never hear no. He has lived a life where he could do whatever he wants and soon he will pay for never hearing no. NFL teams are questioning their desire to have him represent their organization. He has been accused of rape, stolen crab legs and pop, played with bb guns in public, and shouted profanities against women. All the while, we get to hear what a great and intelligent guy he is. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. Last night as FSU battled Clemson, Winston was finally forced to sit out a full game. What did he do? He dressed in full gear and had to be told to go and change. Did he believe Jimbo Fisher would ignore the rules again and let him play? Of course when he eventually changed back into his uniform, ESPN couldn’t resist focusing on him as he “inspired” his teammates on the sidelines. Sorry, he was actually trying to get some of the attention he so desperately craves.
So where does that leave us? Well coaches, make your core rules and apply them to everyone. Allow some wiggle room for true exceptions but also know when you are being taken advantage of. When I start to make an exception, I always ask, “Would I afford this to everyone?” It is pretty easy to move forward from there.
Need more advice, look to John Wooden. He was a simple man who understood his role. He coached one of the biggest college programs in history using simple, small town values. He understood what he could and could not do, but he stuck to his word.
It takes longer to build a program this way but once it is build, you and everyone involved will get more out of it.
