Can you handle the truth - When did we stop respecting THE COACH
With the upcoming basketball season about to tip the dissection of the local coaches has already begun.
As the basketballs started bouncing across South Dakota this week the inevitable chatter is already bubbling up about the coaches abilities. From the sounds of things you would think that South Dakota has the most HOF, non coaches per capita in the world.
Was trolling around Facebook yesterday and came across a great post from former Chamberlain coach turned Pentagon maestro, Allan Bertram, who was in Miller offering a talk to parents, coaches and players - It was great to be able to speak to the Athletes, Parents, and Coaches at Miller High School before the start of their Winter Sports Seasons. I love speaking on the topic of the roles that Parents, Athletes, and Coaches all play in the process of having a solid high school experience for the kids involved. It is vital that all three understand their place and what is needed to ensure that the best possible situation takes place.
Asked him for a hard copy and he LOL'd me...While I'd love to sit in on that conversation some day, I think Bertram is probably intimating that it takes an entire community of folks working together to have a successful basketball campaign.
At any rate, with the start of basketball season less than a week away, and with social media just a click away, I'd like to think we could all do a little better in how we approach the game, the players and the coaches. I'd take coach Bertram's thoughts a step further and add community to the list of parents, athletes and coaches that all contribute to the success of the team. It's hard to ignore how much basketball means to small communities across South Dakota. I love the scene in the movie Hoosiers where the team is traveling to an away game and light after light after light is following as the whole town of Hickory closed down to follow the team. South Dakota is a lot like that...We don't travel like that, well CEB does, but basketball is really the lifeblood of our communities. It gives us something to pour over on Monday morning and recap the highs and lows of the recent games. It's fun to walk into a packed gym and see people screaming their lungs out as OUR boys/girls do battle.
Respecting the coach, when did we lose that: In this instant gratification society that WE all live in, it seems like one loss invites immediate and instant coaching criticism. It's interesting that the coach always gets the blame! Win a game and the team played great...Lose a game, or two, and the coach sucks. Well, I'm not here to defend the coaches, their strategies or their past history, but like it or not, they are the coach and all the bitching in the world isn't going to change that.
How do we talk about the coach in front of the kids/others: What do we do after basketball games? Well, most of us go home, grab something to eat, turn on the television and then sit around and talk about the game. I'm sure plenty of us go right to bed, but, if you have a kid that plays, a relative that plays (which is everyone), if you're the coach, the coaches spouse, then you're up for a while breaking down the game, thinking about it, talking about it...Decompressing! No fault there, it's what we do! That said, it's interesting to be in the middle of some of those conversations. As I don't have children playing, and am not a parent and not a coach, but try to look at the game through as objective of a lens that I can, with my heart tugging for the home team, I get to sit in on a lot of those conversations. For the most part, the talk is about good plays, bad plays, but listen long enough and the coach will come under scrutiny. The offense gets dissected, the playing time of certain players gets talked about, the 'this kid took too many shots' conversation comes up. I've heard people that never played high school basketball, never coached a game of anything in their lives toss out their ideas of how to do things and how the coach is doing them wrong...Really? I think some of this is human nature but when we discuss this kind of thing, the ineptitude of the coach, in front of the kids/players, I ask you, how are they supposed to go to practice on Monday afternoon, look the coach in the eye, and believe every thing coming out of their mouth when the parents/uncles/journalists filled their heads with ideas that somehow the coach isn't up to snuff?
How do we coach our kids: It almost seems funny to type the words 'How do we coach our kids' out on this blog. After all, we're not the coach, so why are we coaching? Well, part of that is we all just want to see the local team(s) win and it's just part of how things are done. That said, it's not uncommon to see a player looking anxiously between the real coach and the parent/coach in the audience. How uncomfortable that must be for the young people? While it might not be a spoken about topic, I think deep down kids know that the coach is the coach but, some are torn between listening to the coach and listening to the parent? How is one supposed to perform on that platform, especially if differing ideas are coming from different parties? Have seen people come out of the stands, hand their kid a gatorade and then talk strategy or break down into a defensive posture and show their relative the proper way to defend or how to hedge on a screen. How is a kid supposed to operate in that situation? Nervously glancing over to see if the coach is noticing the interaction, the coach, playing nice and not marching over to tell said parent that's not acceptable, and all of us noticing but not saying anything, but whispering to our neighbor in the stands about what's going on.
That kind of stuff festers, and it's not healthy for anyone!
Can we do better with our social media presence: I am drawing weary of Facebook...While there are some wonderful notes and messages and photos and things, to me, it seems like a stop and blurt the first thing that comes out of the mouth. There is no filter on Facebook and once it's out there, it's OUT THERE!
* I hate seeing posts from young people that I know are on athletic teams talking about smoking weed and getting drunk. I realize it's part of growing up but I just get tired of seeing like-it-or-not role models talking about that kind of thing. Ya think we're all stupid and haven't been there before? Ya think we don't see your car parked where it's parked?
* Hate seeing coach sucks posts - Basketball means so much to so many in South Dakota communities, but there is something sinister about posting something nasty about a coach and his/her strategies and then seeing person after person pile on to the hot topic of the moment. I think I hate even more in these types of posts that no one EVER steps forward and says that's not acceptable. Saw a coach take a bath on social media this fall after an unexpected loss in football. Players were trashing the strategy, parents were chiming in and not one person stood up and said this kind of thing shouldn't be posted on social media....................Buehler, anyone?
* Playing time - I once wrote an article of the paper where I work at about playing time and our interaction with coaches. Worked at it pretty hard and interviewed Larry Luitjens and Fred Tibbetts (The winningest boys and girls prep coaches in South Dakota history). Even spoke with John Stieglemeir (Head football coach at South Dakota State University). It was a long story and after pouring through three interviews and spending a couple days on it, and that story being written in 2006, one quote from Luitjens comes screaming back to me.
"It is never appropriate for a parent to talk to a coach about playing time," Luitjens said.
I had an elderly lady march into the paper and tell me that I was wrong and that it's ok to talk to a coach about playing time. Well, I didn't say it, the winningest coach in South Dakota history did.
While I think Mr. Luitjens, who had incredible success at Custer, might be a little old-school to completely make a statement that reflects how things work in 2016, I do think there is a time and a place for everything. Immediately following the game is not that time. While you might have worked yourself into a frenzy about something during the game, the coach has no idea you're in a frenzy, and or upset, and they themselves are dealing with the emotions good/bad of a win/loss after putting a lot of time and effort into putting the product on the floor.
As I mention Luitjens, a couple thoughts come back from that interview.
1. Do ya really think I wouldn't put the best players out on the floor - Translation, a coach isn't going to play favorites, they want to win as badly as anyone.
2. If you really want to know about playing time ask the coach if you can come to practice and watch - Ask if you can come, don't just show up. There are a lot of things that go into determining if and how much a kid plays. Did they show up for pre-season conditioning? Are they on-task in school? Are they practicing hard? It's interesting to think about all the decisions that go into playing time. Just because a kid is talented shouldn't mean they take the shots or warrant playing time...How do they mesh with others, do they play defense, are they active and engaged in practice?
Call before you drop by: I think most coaches are open to the idea of talking to parents about playing time and such, but call ahead. These coaches wear a lot of hats so just because you're ready to air out dirty laundry, doesn't mean their work day allows them to just drop everything.
Calm down first: I'm a hot-head and over the years I've said plenty of things in anger that I've regretted. As time has gone one, I've mellowed, a bit and I'll usually sleep on something that's really bothering me. It's interesting how much one's tone and perspective change when a little time is allowed to soften the moment.
Take your kid with you: While some of these conversation seems to pit parent against coach, with a kid in the middle, these don't have to be yucky conversations. Be great for all parties to be in the room and listen as parent asks questions, coach offers insight and player listens, asks questions and is part of the process in determining how can I get more playing time?
I personally think it's good for a kid to ask a coach about playing time. I don't like the tone of 'Why aren't you playing me more' but, love the tone of how can I get more playing time?
It's interesting as I get ready to publish this piece that I think about the commentary that will come. I'm always nervous writing about something so meaningful and important and trying to put my two cents in. Not trying to tell anyone how to do anything, just inviting people to examine their own behavior, and then move forward in peace after considering things a bit, perhaps from a different point of view.
If ya wanna check in, check in but think about what you say, I did!!
